The problem we have is: our managers won't manage.
I was sitting in a meeting with a senior HR leader in a large organisation. We were discussing a culture change initiative that I was playing a small part in, discussing the challenges faced by some of her staff, when she said something that stuck with me. It was something like this:
‘Of course, in reality, so many of our problems are caused because managers won’t manage.’
And as soon as you hear (or read) a sentence like that, you know it’s true.
Because everyone has been managed by a manager who wouldn’t manage. And if we’re honest, most of us have been that at some point.
I’ve found myself thinking of that woman’s comment regularly since then. Especially when coaching a leader who is avoiding the tough conversations that they need to have, who isn’t bold enough or skilled enough to tackle crucial, but potentially bumpy, conversations head on.
In some ways, management often gets a bad rap in the kinds of meetings I’m in. Over and over again people make the distinction between leaders and managers, mostly slightly turning up their nose at the latter, whilst trying to get people to become the former.
But the truth is, every organisation needs both. And every leader must also play the role of manager sometimes, and every manager the role of leader.
The distinction is somewhat useful, but also - like with everything - it’s more nuanced than that.
I read Andrew Grove’s book, High Output Management this year. I heard that it’s the book given to every individual contributer in Silicon Valley who gets promoted to be a leader. And I can see why.
It’s a remarkable book. As I read it, I kept finding myself thinking ‘If I was a manager, I would read this constantly on loop until I had put everything in it into practice.’
Grove was the CEO of Intel as they grew and grew and grew, and the clarity of his thinking on the role of the manager - and his constant reminders of how important that is - mean the book is a treasure trove of ways of thinking and practical, procedural advice.
If everyone in the HR leader’s organisation had read and put into practice Grove’s book, she wouldn’t have to say what she said any more. In fact, even if they didn’t put it into practice well, but simply tried the things Grove writes about, then I suspect things would look completely different.
Crucially, the pattern I have seen over and over again, which came to mind in the meeting I mentioned at the start of this article, is essentially in three parts:
Managers not having conversations where it could get bumpy.
Managers not giving direct feedback.
Managers not managing poor performance, or leaving it far too long before tackling the issue.
Whether they are unwilling or unable doesn’t really matter: these are three crucial behaviours that every manager needs to be willing, able and active in doing.
The best move is to tackle things as soon as they come up. If you ignore something, it tends to grow, like the dragon in the children’s book, There’s No Such Thing As a Dragon, which, as mum ignores it, grows so big it walks off with the Bixby’s house on its shoulders. That’s what happens if we ignore something.
But many of us aren’t practised at tackling things directly. We skirt around, we avoid, we say what we think is clear, but as soon as someone (often me, for my clients) asks what you actually said, it becomes apparent that only a mind-reader could have been sure of the feedback you were giving.
Or, we aren’t skilful at tackling things directly. We do it, but in such a way that relationships are damaged or we are basically ignored.
Either way, we have a problem.
It’s why the most common framework I teach is about difficult conversations.
It’s why this long-read on how to be more skilful with people is one of the articles I recommended to clients most often.
Under it all, we have to remember that we evolved for simpler times. In those times, disharmony in a group was life and death.
But we don’t live in those times any more. Instead, we live in a time when the performance of an organisation and the future career of the people you manage, depends on your skill and willingness to do three sometimes-hard things:
Have conversations where it might get bumpy.
Give direct feedback.
Manage performance issues as soon as they arise.
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PS My latest book is The Power to Choose: Finding Calm and Connection in a Complex World, is out now. Get your copy here: https://geni.us/powertochoose
This is the latest in a series of articles written using the 12-Minute Method: write for twelve minutes, proof read once with tiny edits and then post online.