Four Problems With The Phrase 'Work-Life Balance'
First published on October 14, 2020
Of all the phrases which have permeated modern culture around wellbeing, Work-Life Balance is one of the most common I encounter and – at the same time – one of the ones I feel most misses the truth of what it is trying to express. Here are four reasons why that phrase does not get to what it is trying to get to:
1) Almost no one who talks about Work-Life Balance is talking about it because they want more work
The phrase is really only focused one way. Of course there are people out there who want more space and time for their work. But when people come to their coach, or complain to their friends, or speak to their spouse about Work-Life Balance, they only want to tip the balance one way. So let’s at least prioritise that. As Michael Neill and Robert Holden quickly realise in their dialogue on the topic on the Caffiene for the Soul podcast, Life-Work Balance is a better phrase. At least it has it the right way around.
2) What is work if not life?
One of the first times I really questioned the idea of Work-Life Balance was when listening to the Waking Up The Workplace interview series. One of the guests or presenters said something like this: “I don’t like that phrase, because it implies that work is not life.” And, I would go further. What is the deeper implication of that phrase? Well, what, for a human, is 'not life'? Only one thing, death. On some level, the phrase Work-Life Balance implies that work, indeed, is death. The things that we say affect how we see the world; it’s important to be careful and precise with the stories we tell ourselves, or we begin to lose grip on reality. And so, perhaps, say what we mean: life-living death balance. Or, perhaps, choose a different phrase.
3) Balance is never done
By talking about Work-Life Balance (or even Life-Work Balance) we are setting ourselves up to fail. This is like trying to be 'on time' for things. Being on time means that unless we arrive precisely on the hour, say, we fail. We set our aim to be on time, and find ourselves in a state of anxiety as we travel across town: not wanting to arrive too late, but also not wanting to arrive too early. So we are constantly rushing (or at least I am). The aim to arrive early, however, as Ros Zander says, is something we can succeed at.
Work-Life Balance, too, is an impossibility. Life and work are complex, changeable things. Work-Life Balancing (or, better) Life-Work Balancing is something we can do: but it will always be dynamic. We will never ‘get there’. Because tomorrow something will be different and the calance we carefully constructed today will be off again. And there we are, failing.
And so, aim for balancing. Or, aim comfortably on the side of the ‘balance’ that you really want (but are afraid to say). If I only work three days a week, say, I can be confident that I won’t wake up one day realising I’ve wasted my life on a job I hate. This, of course, is what most people who talk about Work-Life Balance are worried about on some level. They are asking: why do I spend so much time doing this thing I don’t like that much, and so little time doing these things I do like (reading, relaxing, holidaying, being with our loved ones, being with ourselves)? So, 'always choose life', like 'always be early', might be a smart way forward.
4) Aim for something higher
Fred Kofman, who might indeed have been the person on Waking Up The Workplace who pointed out that 'Work-Life Balance' implies that work isn't life, talks in his work on Conscious Business about Work-Life Integration. Until this week, that was my faourite alternative. How can I integrate my work and life so that they support each other? How can they become one and the same? How can they both be about expressing my unique gifts and contributing to the world in the way that I want?
But then I listened to Holden and Neill, and I wondered if the alternative they offered felt even more perfect: what about Life-Work Harmony? What about a situation where there is some distinction between our work – but not just any work, the work we are here on this planet to do, the work that fulfils us, the work that uses all our gifts to help tomorrow’s world be better than today – and the other things we do, the deeply important other parts of our life. And what if, in truth, the aim is harmony. The aim is each part of our day playing in tune, in harmony, with each other part. That has been my experience: that when I am acting in alignment, in harmony, with my purpose, with my gifts, I can give so much more to my loved ones, and enjoy so much more the other things that bring me joy. And, if I take the time to do the things that bring me joy, that allows my gifts to emerge in my work so much more clearly and powerfully.
Whichever part of this article resonates with you, consider what it is that, truly, would give you Work-Life Balance. Consider, what do you REALLY mean when you say it, or what do you imagine when someone says it to you? And then ask for and speak to that, and not to this ever-more-common and ever-less-useful phrase that slips off our tongues.
Mostly, we worry about balance when things are out of balance. But if we aren’t careful about how we search for the things we lack, we only notice more and more that we lack them.